


Dear Cas

by BowleggedNerd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oops, i don't really know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:31:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4356305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowleggedNerd/pseuds/BowleggedNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is upset with Cas, and he doesn't know why. After talking with Sam and finding a letter Dean wrote to him, Cas finally gets it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cas

"Dammit, Cas," Dean yelled as he slammed his hand down on the table, making Cas jump a bit. "I said just drop it, okay?!"

"But Dean-"

"No, don't 'but Dean' me. I'm done talking about this, and I'm certainly done talking to you!" Dean stormed off into the kitchen to grab himself a beer before going into the garage to work on something, anything that would cool his jets.

Cas stood in the archway of the bunker's library, speechless and unable to move. He didn't understand why Dean was so upset and he just wanted to know why. With the way Dean stormed off, Cas got a pretty good idea it was about something he said or did, and that only frustrated him more.

"Hey, Cas. Where's-" Sam paused as he looked around the library. Dean left a chair and lamp knocked over in his angry wake. "Is everything okay?" Sam asked as he put the groceries down.

"I don't know, Sam. I think Dean is upset with me."

"Upset with you? What the hell for?" Sam pulled out a chair to sit in.

"That's what I've been trying to ask him."

"Well, what did you two do today while I was out?"

"We looked for a case, but didn't have much luck," Cas paused to think about what else he and Dean did or talked about. "Um," Cas cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, "Dean told me that Meg is dead."

A brief silence fell over them before Sam spoke. "I'm sorry, Cas. I know she meant...  _something_  to you."

"Yes, she was... special," Cas said thoughtfully in her memory. Even though she was a demon and tried to screw over the Winchesters on multiple occasions, she was different somehow. She wasn't like other demons in that she always fought for what she believed was right. Even though much of what she thought was right was quite wrong, she always held her own. That's what Cas admired most about her.

"Wait," Sam interrupted Cas's thoughts, "did Dean get mad after you guys brought up Meg or before?"

"After, why?"

"Ha! I knew it," Sam laughed.

"I don't understand. Is something funny?"

"Dude, he was getting jealous," Sam's laughter subsided and he met Cas's eyes.

"Jealous?"

"Yeah, Cas, jealous. How much did you talk about Meg?"

"Well, I thought it was only customary to reminisce on loved ones who have passed, so I suppose I talked about her a lot, or at least tried to until Dean got mad."

"Cas," Sam sighed and wiped his hand over his face. "Please tell me you didn't bring up the kiss."

"You mean the pizza man? Yes, I might've mentioned it, but I don't see why-"

"Dammit, Cas," Sam shook his head, "you shouldn't have brought that up."

"Why not?" Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes.

"Look, man, Dean always got a little ticked off when it came to you and Meg. I never asked him why, but well, I think I have a pretty good idea now," Sam said with a slight smirk. "He likes you, Cas."

"Yes, I know, and I like him, too. I don't understand what you're getting at, Sam."

"No, Cas, he  _likes_ you. He has feelings for you. Romantic feelings," Sam clarified.

Despite being a larger than life being, an angel no less, Cas couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks. "I-I don't understand, Sam," Cas nervously cleared his throat. "Dean likes women."

"Don't be so sure," Sam chuckled. "I know my brother better than anyone and if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that he bats for both teams." Cas gave him a confused look to which Sam playfully rolled his eyes and said, "He likes both men and women. It wouldn't matter anyway considering the fact that you're technically genderless, but you are in a male vessel. Either way, Dean likes you, Cas, and hearing you talk about Meg must've upset him."

Cas felt guilty for making Dean upset. He truly didn't mean to. Sure, Meg was special to him, but no one could ever compare with Dean. He always tried to push the feelings he had for Dean aside because he figured there was no way in hell (or heaven) that Dean would ever feel the same way.

"I need to talk to him. Thank you, Sam. I very much appreciate your friendship."

"Yeah, love you, too, Cas," Sam laughed. "Now go find Dean and kiss and make up. I'm going out." Sam stood up and put his jacket back on before giving Cas a slap on the shoulder and going up the stairs to leave.

Cas searched the bunker for Dean, starting with the kitchen and then to his room.

"Dean?" Cas said as he knocked on the door. No answer, so he pushed his way inside.

Cas had never been in Dean's room, and he couldn't help his curiosity. We wandered around the small space, admiring how neat and tidy everything was. There were guns hanging on the walls and a large stack of classic rock vinyls in the corner. It was all so Dean, and Cas took comfort from that.

Several family photos lined the dresser, and Cas took his time examining each and every one, smiling as he did so. There was a picture of John and Mary, one of Dean holding Sam when he was no older than four, and the last one was Cas's personal favorite. Dean was standing behind Sam with his hands on his shoulders. Sam was holding his newly obtained driver's license with a huge smile, and Dean was looking down at him with so much love and pride. Cas could recall a few times where he has caught Dean looking at Sam that way.

Next to that picture sat a journal, which Cas accidentally knocked to the floor. Normally, he wouldn't have even looked through it out of respect for Dean's privacy, but it opened to a page that was addressed to him. Cas took the journal and sat on the edge of Dean's bed to read the passage.

_Dear Cas,_

_I feel like such a chick doing this, but it's not like I can just talk to Sam about it. I mean, I could, but- whatever. So, I guess I'll do the whole "write letters but never send them" thing. To be completely honest, I don't even know why I feel the need to even do this. I guess it's because I-I don't know... I guess it's because seeing you kiss Meg that one time has really thrown me for a loop, man. Go ahead, laugh all you want because yeah, I was jealous. It's just been bottling up since then._

_Honestly, Cas, I've kinda been carrying a torch for you since I stabbed you in that barn a few years back. You know, I really used to believe that I didn't deserve to be saved, but you changed my mind. I mean, yeah, I still feel like crap about a lot of things and I know I've fucked up more times than I can count, but you made me feel... special, and I wanted to thank you for that above all else._

_And Cas... I know that after the god complex and the leviathans and all that purgatory shit, you still feel guilty and you still think you should go through penance or whatever, but you just need to know one thing: I believe in you. You've always tried to do the right thing, even after it has blown up in your face a couple times. If there's anyone I trust Sam's life, my life, and hell, every person on the friggin planet's life with, it's you, Cas..._

_Remember when you said we have a profound bond? And remember when we were in Lucifer's crypt? Well, I'd like to believe that our bond is what broke your connection from Naomi and the God squad, and do you wanna know a secret? I-I almost told you that I loved you because, well, I do, Cas. I love you, and I meant what I said in there. I do need you, but it's because I love you._

_I think I just sprouted a vagina from all this mushy shit, but to hell with it. It's not like you're going to read this anyway. You'd either do that adorable little head tilt, eye squint thing that you always do or you'd freak the fuck out. Either way, I'm not taking any chances because I don't want to lose you. If anything, I want to take care of you. Always._

_Yours,_

_Dean_

Cas felt wetness pooling in his eyes. He knew he was crying, but he always thought humans did it when they were sad, not happy like he was now. Dean believed in him. Dean trusted him. Dean  _loved_ him. Cas held the journal close to his chest and closed his eyes to relish in the feeling of Dean's love.

"Cas?" A familiar voice called. Cas's eyes flew open in time to see Dean enter the room. "What are you doing in-"

Dean's eyes almost popped out of his skull once he saw the leather-bound journal in Cas's grasp. Anger began to course through Dean's veins, making his blood boil.

"What the fuck, Cas?! You can't just waltz into people's rooms like you own the joint and start reading through their shit!" Dean was yelling so loud, his voice echoed off the walls.

"Did you mean it?" Cas barely whispered. "What you wrote in here, did you mean it, Dean?"

Cas threw the journal onto the bed as he stood and walked over to Dean. The anger melted away in Dean's jade eyes as he met Cas's sapphire stare.

Dean knew his goose had been cooked. The cat was definitely out of the bag. There was really nothing he could do but confess. Despite his fear that it might push Cas away, he decided to let it all out.

"Yeah, Cas. I meant it," Dean closed the gap between them. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Dean pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. Everything they have been through over the years had all been condensed into that moment. Who would've ever thought that a human could be an angel's saving grace?


End file.
